Craig has disappeared to see flush (so called because a lavatory chain is the only thing he could pull) because she is leaving tomorrow and he's not going to get to see her again. (Yesterday was very amusing with flush as Craig got dumped but that's an other story)

To the left you can see a shrunken sketch map of our entire hike. and below is a photo of the map from our first day's hiking.

Jem and Andy chase boot down river for about 30 miles. (Well at least until the channel on the right of the picture left) Andy stops because he feels like chundering. Jem overtakes boot and attempts a heroic rescue when boot shouts, "You'll never take me alive!" and promptly sinks! Jem and Andy shout profanities, Craig is a prat, and other friendly phrases, then wet themselves laughing. On his way back to the bridge Jem twisted his ankle. This hike is doomed, doomed I tell you!

Craig's Top 3 Films

1 A Bridge too far
2 Bridge over the river qui
3 A river runs through it

Top songs

1 Bridge over Troubled Waters - Simon & Garfunkle
2 Ride across the River - Dire Straits
3 Down to the water line - Dire Straits
4 Good Night Girl - Wet Wet Wet
5 River of dreams - Billy Joel

The illustration on the right is the original from the Log.

12:00 What a Plonker
Craig is a prat! If he hadn't lost his shoe a big Van would not have come along, nearly run us down and completely squashed the ink out of our little pen. I think I will teach him a lesson.

Still in Kandersteg 2 and a half-hours late. Jem and Mark are in the toilet, Craig is in love with a pasta shell or something like that. Weyhey we are off at last I still feel like a lump of old rubbish, probably look like it as well - Andy

(Funny enough....... Jem)

What bad timing - The very moment I talk about another Scout's dad giving me grief whilst swearing very loudly in Chinese, a Bruce Lee look-alike strolls past and gives a very convincing evil glare after round housing me in the throat. I shall regain Consciousness soon.

Some blokes just told us to shut up!

Andy noticed a funny smell and thought it was marks B.O. but to my dismay it wasn't, nope it was my blanket. Jeramy has just done the second pepparami impression of the night and the wind is howling out of Andy's bum like something rather unpleasant of a shovel. - Mark.

Rachelle (FLUSH!) leaves tomorrow, I can't say goodbye to her (OH NO!) as I am half way to the top of the world but she is in my thoughts.
(Love is the sweetest thing Nothing on earth could ever bring Such happiness to every thing) 
and I will write to her as soon as I get back -Craig (Sad Man) - (Sarcastic additions JJ)

03.30 Lots of people get up + leave, ether they are trying to get out without paying or they are going on a dawn hike, either way they are ANNOYING!!!!!!!

We have just got up at about 07.50. Craig thinks it's going to be cold, just because of the wind Possibly.

I have just walked up stairs from the lavs and I am totally knackered, It took 5 min to walk the last 100m yesterday. At 2840m the altitude is affecting us. - Mark

Lunch
Lunch after sending Craig away - an Idyllic scene, on a piece of flat ground by a mountain stream, the distant sound of cow bells majestically ringing on the lush green mountain side. Not a sole in sight, BUT CRIAG HAS TO WRECK IT BY LIGHTING UP A FAG!!

Just put one mahocive splinter under my finger nail, it took two minutes to get out and it still hurts like HELL! - Mark

Actually Craig is wrong. His girl is such a bad lass that she was about to charge him for a kiss when Ian came back from having slurped all over her mate.

Yesterdays Lunch

Bread - butter - Tatar (Boursin)

We are now sheltering in a very smelly farmhouse cos there is a lot of water around, yes it's raining very hard at 1.20

Yesterdays dinner

2 tins stewing steak
1 big tin of beans
1 really tiny tin of peas
another big tin of rice pud

Today's dinner

1 Squat Poodle each
Bread - Funny butter stuff, marmalade, jelly

It's now stopped raining at 1.30pm

Oops we arrived at our home for the night, the Gspaltenhorn Hutte (alt - 2458m) just before the rain arrived. We've got to sleep in the cellar with a load of kids! 

Arriving I sparked up a fag, Ahh that feels good. Still can't get Rachelle (FLUSH) out of my mind and I am going to keep writing her name to annoy Jem. (He gets all funny every time we stop- I think it's the smell of cheesy feet.) Craig.

Have just bought a local beer called Hopfeuperle and it is very nice.

STUPID QUOTE: Look at that over there, you cant see it! By JJ


Its bed time 
Rachelle (FLUSH ) will be in Italy now - even though we are together in thought. CD

(Love lifts us up ware we belong,
ware Eagles fly over mountains high. JJ)

We have missed the heavy rain by about 15 - 20 min, we are sharing our room with loads of little German speaking kids. The water here is boiling hot, not cool enough to drink. Talking of drink, I am very light headed on half a can of Hopfenperle SWISS BEER, I can't even put the cap on the pen, I missed twice, We have decided to take tomorrow as it comes, i.e. (That's Id est) we will cross the ridge and find the best way, we are now talking about shaving and beards "The weather is clearing" shouts Mark as a clap of thunder comes. Craig cant stop talking about Rachell "Flush" The I-tie who doesn't speak English, He is pine-ing for her, what a plumb. (She isn't very nice) - Mark

Craig has just done the loudest fart in history and me and Andy have just coughed out an entire nose trying not to laugh - Other Germans are not amused - extremely funny moment in time. Andy is now rubbing his feet and has got a smile on his face. - Jem

Craig is thinking of Flush who'll give you a kiss for a five pence.

Craig's feet smell, Craig's pits smell - Craig's bum smells - Craig's breath smells - Craig is one walking elephants bottom.

Wed 4th Aug 7.30am

The Swiss are not amused by our toilet humor, speaking of which, there's a odd bloke next to Mark.

(But I was next to Craig) Mark

Jem You mean the bald bloke with lots of hair?

That's the sort of Quote you come up with early in the mourning. 

It's mourning... Wake up all you sleepy heads it's the start of a brand new day - the sun is shining - the air is cool and fresh and the sheep are playing in the fields.  What makes it the best day ever is that FLUSH (The unbelievably smelly girl from Italia) is waking up in anther country and hopefully Craig will stop prattling on about her.

Andy wakes up again and says "Plumbs! I've got a splinter in my foot' Jem says "That rat boy Ian, he follows us everywhere"

(NOTE: For some reason Ian was nicknames Splinter - The Rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Last Nights Meal

Pasta (Tricolour) animals (Cow,Bird,Rabbit,Horse,Pig)
Turkey meat
Bolognaise sauce
water Tomato soup.

Afters beer- coffee Liqueur stuff, Sainsburys Fruit cake

Breakfast
Porridge

Craig and myself have just purchased some GSPALTENHORN HüTTE T-Shirts for 18F Approx. £7-8 each (Not Bad)

I have just sneezed all over this Log! The rain clouds seem to have gone and the sun is out, Today is going to be a downy uppey downy sort of day, Also it's a long day and we need to get away. Craig + Jem are just using the Lav.

CD has returned and taken Andy to watch Jem's depositions rolling down the mountain. Clouds are now returning.

10.10 we leave S.A.C. hut and a great big chopper dumps it's load right next to us. I got loads of dust in my eye.

10.25 Stop off on ledge for shirts off and photograph

Joke of the Day

Whist pointing to black sheep - "I think I love Yew"

"Yew's lot are a bunch of plonkers"

11.00 Fun and frolics in the snow and what does the Queens scout expedition rules say about snow "Um Bum"

Go down on our Feet and kagoules Excellent fun. Jem says don't slip down that crevasse bit at start of sledge ride and what does everyone do?

Found some poor bloke in the snow so we took photographs and left the poor man. (Picture Left)

Lunch was squat poodle with a grumpy hut owner.

We have walked on from lunch, argued about the way and are now resting from a storm under a tree near Oxon, There is thunder over Jungfru.

We got wet 'cos my Cagoule is about as waterproof as a soggy toilet tissue and by the looks of it we are going to get  wet again!

LEFT The Storm over Kandersteg is sliding over the ridge to get us.

Once again it is raining, we are sitting under a tree trying to hike with a cow. I do hope Rachelle (FLUSH ) is okay - I will write to here when I get home.

3.15 Our present altitude is 1343m only 400 down left to go and about 4km

Andy's having a dump in a hut and Mark's leg hurts so he's gone on ahead ( I think he's annoyed because I threw a stone in his hair and it stuck in)

Some bloke has just arrived on a bike and his breaks don't work. Our Peek stove spanners don't quite work (It's very steep - ho ho ho) oh Lannin's just fixed his breaks - no fun.

4.10 we are now 1200m lower at the bottom of the valley in Stechelberg and it's hot! I mean really hot. Getting on for 10 degrees warmer. we are now going to find the camp site for the night, then have a large shower!

We have just passed the first campsite (it was full) and are now making our way to the second.  We have stopped outside a Vis-a-Vis supermarket and I have just bought a pantene 2-in-1 hair conditioner and sixty fags as I ran out last night.  The James Bond cable car is in sight and it looks like it may rain. Jem has just made a comment about some bird. Our compass just needs a house and a snowman and we will have a shaken snow scene.  (ie, the liquid in it is cloudy)

We are now in one gorgeous campsite, all have amazing hot showers.  Now relaxing and making dinner whilst eating Paprika crisps and drinking beers.

Dinner not too bad, just about to finish the washing up.

Make a large fuss in shower room by pretending to be woman in pantene advert.

On arrival to the bar I ordered a plate of chips. Sitting down. Myself and Jeremy have been giving the eye to two young ladies and to three Brits upstairs. Jaws 5 in the making. Fergal and Jaws 5.

On top form again.

(EXPLANATION: Sharking is the art of flirting with intent!)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, most of the sharks in the world are suffering from acute embarrassment. The art of sharking has taken a severe setback.  Jem has taken the candle approach, Craig has taken the smoking differently approach, what's more embarrassing is that the girls are falling for it, as well as the fact that my rear end keeps making loud announcements to the campsite.

Jungfrou Jock (STRAP) (Bhan)

SUN BURNT NECK AND SHOULDERS

Who knows what time a.m.?

Woke up turned over. Someone next door has just broke wind loudly, Andy has woken up and told me that it is 7.20

20 Kilometres! 20 KILOMETERS! I mean 20 Kilometres, that's like 20,000 meters to go before we reach Interlaken.

10.15 left the campsite, walked for an hour and we are about a third of the way to Interlarken. On our way we have met Rosanne Barr, a 90 year old granny driving a Mercedes and we have stopped so Andy can have an other visit to the lav. At present we are admiring a warning sign.

Got to Interlarken and had a 'Mr grill' cheeseburger and chips - (it rained again) and meat others (all with one shoe on - one shoe off - taking the mick out of a Craig.)

Go to a grassy bit, sit down to relax jump up and do forward rolls and star jumps (Also head stands) in front of people taking pictures and cine film - Some find it amusing - Others call us names a little stronger.

Come back to Kandersteg by train and make pancakes. (Chief tosser - tosses excellently again) sorting out tent - now going for a shower. Girls V annoyed with Craig (Surprise Surprise) They are now singing songs about him so he has turned the music up - we are now beardless and I feel cold and lonely without it like a man without his woman - Craig not being able to Flush.

Went Sharking today whilst still on the hike - mostly crashed and burned though - Bummer.

Now in tent eating Cadburies Animals and listening to hot City nights, now for the next Animal round.

Craig gets a Hippo......
Ian ........ Tiger......
Lan ....... Kangeroo.....
Mark ..... Tiger.........
Chief Animal man --Jem ....... Monkey

Well hear we are again back in our smelly tent at Kandersteg - well I wont be for long 'cos I'm going to play with my hot water bottle! It's Chocolate Animal time and chief of animal ceremony, Jem is excelling once again.

What bliss, a drink and an Animal or two or 3 or 4 or 5 ..... Only two days to go and at last my gut has settled down which means it's food city here I come hopefully Nikki will support my sagging gut as I talk.

Due to the fact of JJs bad singing and a horrid noise from the girls tent next door I am finding it very hard to think about writing this book and more importantly about Rachelle (Flush ).

I am now writing on the accounts page 'cause plonker put the accounts too far in from the back. I have successfully annoyed ( perhaps) all the girls - excellent.

I have just given Jem a cardiac arrest as he smelt my feet ha ha.